Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
