i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
