Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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