They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
