My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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