I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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