just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
