I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
