why didn't you poke me back
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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