just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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