When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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