Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
