I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
