so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
