If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
