I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
