i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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