i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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