I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
cat food counts as protein by the way
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
