I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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