listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
