theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize