don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
