smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
