I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Randomize
