So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
