so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
