even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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