A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
