I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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