I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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