I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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