I hate all girls vehemently.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
