The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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