please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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