The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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