I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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