Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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