I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
