i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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