We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
