Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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