You smell like a Billy Joel song
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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