margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
