in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
