Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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