Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
