i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
