When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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