Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Randomize
