Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
MIDGETS
????
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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