Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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