This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
