never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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