Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize