I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
