Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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