I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
