You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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