Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
