Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
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