I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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