You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
