I feel like I'm in dance class right now
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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