I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
