i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
