There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize