I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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